‘We are strong and enduring. We are also deeply scarred’ – Audre Lorde
Endure
Verb
- suffer (something painful or difficult) patiently.
- remain in existence; last.
When I think about enduring, I think about:
Living,
Loving
And leaving.
I think about living through all the suffering;
Loving through all the pain;
Leaving behind all the moments that made you stay.
When I think about enduring, I think about my mother and father.
I think about living through her absence.
I think about living through his love.
I think about remembering that there’s nothing to remember about her.
I think about remembering him because if I don’t, I’m afraid that I’ll forget him.
I think about loving a mother’s love that I never knew.
I think about loving a father’s love that I’ll always know.
I think about leaving behind a love that never got to live.
I think about leaving behind a love that never got to live enough.
When I think about enduring, I think about my mother and father.
I think about living, loving and leaving.
But let’s think about enduring.
How often is the power of love
Measured by how much loss you can endure?
How much of our self-love
Is determined by how much others love us?
How often do we need to experience something,
To acknowledge its existence?
How much of me
Is because of you?
Why do we need to suffer to be seen.
Why do you need to experience our pain,
For us to exist.
Will we ever see the sunlight
Without enduring the storm.
Will I ever just be
Without the world allowing me to be.
On some days it feels like my sorrow is easing.
On those days, I feel pieces of myself disappearing.
Pieces that I thought I needed
For other pieces to reappear.
On some days, it’s not about remembering.
It’s about forgetting.
Forgetting makes enduring more bearable.
Forgetting makes existing more bearable.
A lot of our existence is in enduring